- AS BEING THE YOUNGEST ONE IN THE ROOM -

 ... you will be the one that is underestimated much.

    In this article I am going to give a few anecdotes from some of my experiences. This is going to be related to the psychology of the matter. 

    Honestly, even though I have been a referee for more than once, I have never fully prepared what I was going to face off. I was always looking optimistically to everything. The other one is going to be better... I will do better.

    But the fact that I was crying more and more... At last, my psychology couldn't hold anymore. I had a breaking point. That was the time months later I decided to share these things because I couldn't have someone to share while I was still a referee. 

    I don't know if I have been the only one in the arena that cries about a yelling, or an assault made for me or my status, but I know I was the only one who was showing her emotions all the time. That was my biggest regret. I couldn't be a poker face. I have never. I tried hard to maintain but it was not my style. My style was showing everyone what I think about them with my face before with my words. This was coming from my youngsterness! 

    I am a fiery person inside but I can handle negotiations too. However, my negotiating in the arena was shyly, doubtly telling things, rules or whatever to the confronting side with a low volume and low confidence. This put me a position where I always damaged my confidence inside. Once, they put me one hour waiting in the committee, I was literally doing nothing. Just anxiously waiting for someone to give me a match... At the end I thought I might beg! Because sitting, while everyone was taking their second-round match was just a punishment for me. I realized that was a punishment after -I don't remember well- being cry-baby in the arena after a tense match round.  

   I remember that I was not being comfortable in the arena, not even with refs. Because there was either no one that knows me or I know. Also, all of them were men -not being feminist- and I was always not comfortable by being sitting with them, was looking for someone familiar. 

     But that is, of course, very normal. 

    Later, I get used to the people around myself. We were joking around, and this was easing my tense look on my face, leading to a better experience at the arena. There was even a little unease lingering behind my mind, but by engaging with others, sometimes peers made me feel more relaxed. 

    This was a small part of the experiences and stay tuned!

    Junior Referee